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11. How similar are your ideals, values, and goals in life?
- part 2
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Most of the trouble which money causes in marriage arises not out of a lack of necessities, but out of the sense of failure. If you believe that money is the measure of success, you are headed for trouble. If you fail to get ahead as you feel that you should, each of you may blame the other. The wife will complain because you have not worked hard enough, or are too stupid. If only she had married Joe Spultz when she had the chance—now there is a man who has really gone places. The husband may reply that if only he had had the right kind of wife, the kind who would help instead of complain all the time, he would have made the grade.
And yet success does not solve the problem, either. Always there is someone who has been more successful, so that you will still feel inferior. And in any case, money has only a limited capacity to satisfy. It is like furniture in a house. A certain amount is highly desirable. But beyond a certain point it adds little, and begins to clutter up the place so that it is no longer worth its cost. Couples who have been married for many years often discover that the best period of their marriage was when they were poor and struggling. It is working together for worthy objectives which makes marriage successful, not "getting ahead." The important consideration is to be successful as a person, in meeting your own personality needs and those of the rest of the family. Success in collecting figures on a bank balance is at best, a convenience.
If neither of you puts too much value upon money or status, you will probably be safe at this point. But if money and social position are central values for the other person, don't marry her (or him). You will be headed for trouble. If money and social position mean too much to you, don't marry anybody until you have grown up and straightened out.
Related terms include marriage problem and wedding vows.
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