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Articles In This Section:· 1. How well do you understand the fictions and facts about love? - part 1 · 1. How well do you understand the fictions and facts about love? - part 2 · 1. How well do you understand the fictions and facts about love? - part 3 · 3. Does the other remind you strongly of some dear relative or friend whom you once loved? · 8. How much have you been swayed by "minor point" attractions? · 11. How similar are your ideals, values, and goals in life? - part 1 · 11. How similar are your ideals, values, and goals in life? - part 2 · 12. Do you have common interests in actively promoting "worthy causes?"
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Success in marriage depends largely upon having sound and constructive attitudes toward love. Such understandings are difficult for Americans, especially because of the fictions which they have been taught since childhood, and which are supported by movies and other influences. Actually, the love upon which so many base their marriages is one or a combination of the following:
1. The appeal of the romance and adventure of marriage itself 2. The response to a person who reminds them of some one whom they have loved 3. The desire to escape from an unhappy situation 4. Consolation for failure or disappointment 5. Social pressures and/or the fear of being "left on the shelf" 6. Sex desire 7. Some minor point of attraction Such forms of love are not false or fictitious. They are very real. Often they are intense enough to give a person an overwhelming feeling of certainty. Some of them, as nos. 1, 6 and 7 have a proper place in marriage. Their danger is that they are superficial. No one of them, nor all of them together, are strong enough to constitute the foundations of successful marriage. Yet they deceive people who believe that "love is enough" into choosing unsuitable mates. Love which can make a marriage rich and worth-while must be far deeper. It must be based upon such things as common interests, ideals, values, and goals which involve worthy purposes. A common desire to develop children is among the strongest and most important of these common goals. Such a love is not something which you "fall in" before you marry. It is rather, something which you build together through the years. Those who have found the sounder bases for love may expect that the thrill, glow, and romance of their marriage will increase with time. The richest joy of marriage comes from a relationship with each other which constantly develops and matures. The deepest and most abiding love is that which has become an expression of all life's experiences and meanings for you both.
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