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1. How well do you understand the fictions and facts about love?
- part 3
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Fact Two: There is not just one, but there are many forms of love. The man who is not well may use just one word to describe how he feels. He may say that he feels sick. The medically trained man knows that although many forms of illness may feel alike, actually they represent many different kinds of diseases which are quite different from each other. So it is with love. There are many forms of it. Those in love may feel quite similar to those whose love is of a very different type. Actually, however, one form of love may be quite unlike another.
Some forms of love are essential to successful marriage, or even to successful living. Other kinds of love are forms of selfishness. For example, we say that we love oranges. The orange would not think so. We destroy it for our pleasure, and then throw what is left in the garbage. Sometimes we love people in the same way—even our own children. We get what we want out of them, often regardless of their wishes or best interests. Sometimes young people love and want to marry, mainly because they want to get something out of the other, not because they desire his good. Yet this selfish kind of love may look and feel just like any other kind. Not all forms of love are good and sound. Some forms should be warning signals, rather than bases for marriage. The important question is not, "Do I love him enough to marry him?" It is rather, do we feel the kind of love toward each other upon which a marriage can successfully be built?
Fact Three: The richest, deepest, and most permanent forms of love are those which we build over the years. So you are in love. You feel a warm, romantic glow toward each other which you do not feel toward anyone else. Grand. The love which you feel toward each other may be honest and teal. If you marry, it will give you a good start. But the love which will make your marriage most worth-while, which will not only endure but grow through the years, is not this romantic kind. It is the richer, deeper kind which comes from Having with another who is in a true sense a life partner; one with whom you have in common the basic purpose of building a family together; someone who is going your way. Only such a love can really meet your needs. Only such a love can weld your marriage together so that it can easily withstand the storms and stresses which pull against it. The romantic form of love may be able to give you some thrilling experiences for a few weeks, or even a few years. Only this richer form of love can make the latter part of your life richer, and in a sense, more romantic than were the first years. And this love is not anything you can fall into. It must be built.
But you already do feel some kind of love for each other. How can you tell what kind it is—whether it is selfish or unselfish, sound or unsound? The questions which follow in this chapter are designed to help you at this point. Those in some of the other chapters, especially those on Character and Mental Health, are designed to help you know whether or not you have what it takes to build a richer and more abiding form of love.
Related terms include advice newlyweds and wedding supplies.
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